You have to realize that your life is worth the most to you alone.  You have to take charge. If you care about yourself, really take care of yourself and then you're not going to want to take care of anyone else.  

Taking care of yourself in a really good way allows you to be in contact with another person without putting them in a position of having to say, "You're wonderful", etc.

Self esteem is at the center of all highly developed behavior because it doesn't require subordination from others to sustain itself.                                                                                                          Virginia Satir, June 1988

Virginia Satir knew that just as we learn our ways of relating, coping with our feelings and behaving within our families of origin, we can reshape these patterns by adding to them and transforming them.

Through the use of the Satir Model’s practical and effective tools, people can quickly learn new behaviors, transform old patterns and develop new solutions for living, loving, learning and relating.

Individuals, couples and families all benefit from therapy and coaching using the Satir Model to improve communication, resolve conflicts and increase intimacy.

Satir’s major objective is to help people become more fully human.  This means having high self-esteem, congruence of feelings, words, and actions, and the ability to make choices using their resources to their fullest potential.  Her approach is based on the belief that people are unique, can change, and have all the resources they need to become “whole”, fully function humans.  She views people as learning interpersonal communication patterns, and ways of dealing with feelings and behavior, within the context of their families of origin.  Since these aspects are learned, they can be unlearned and transformed.  The original behaviors which were once useful in childhood for survival in the family context, may no longer be useful in later years in new contexts.  Motivation for change may emerge when the family is in pain, or when it experiences a desire for further growth.

Family therapy, in Satir’s model, is an educational process where new ways of dealing with self and others can be learned.  These new patterns are made possible through people’s increased access to their own rich resources.  The learn to take the risk of being congruent with selves and other, becoming their own choice-makers with a broader band of personal choices available to them.  Self esteem is increased as people begin to experience themselves in new ways, finding unrealized personal and family resources which allow them to make the changes they desire.  Sculpting assist in this process of change by entering the system non-verbally in a powerful, meaningful way which cuts through verbal and behavioral defenses.                                  

Maria Gomori, MSW and Eleanor Adaskin, Ph.D.

Satir Books & Resources:

If you're interested in learning more by reading some of Virginia Satir's writings on her approach, click on Satir Books and Resources to be taken to the Satir Book Store at Amazon.

Links:

A Special Message from Virginia Satir Audio and Video Clip of Virginia.

Satir Videos

Couples Sculpting with Virginia Satir: 29 minutes        

An excellent example of Virginia's teaching and philosophy with couples.

Virginia Satir Demonstrating The Communication Stances   7 minutes

A short demonstration that shows Virginia teaching her Communication Stances.

Virginia Satir Interview   29 minutes for each part

An excellent question and answer interview with Virginia Satir talking about her thinking and way of working. In three parts :  Part 1   Part 2  Part 3